Introduction
The word
‘bully’ calls to mind little boys fighting on the playground or young girls
turning their backs on a classmate. Most of us consider bullying elementary
school children’s normal growing process. But this behavior – which may
start as early as preschool – is becoming more intense, and can last
throughout a child’s school career. Middle school can be a hotbed of
bullying. A survey of more than 1,200 of boys and girls aged 9 to 13 found
86% have seen someone being bullied. For every 100 kids, an average of
eight are bullied every day, seven are bullied every week but not every day,
and 33 are bullied once in a while, but not every week.
And today’s
high-tech world means victims may not even find peace at home.
Cyberbullying – web pages, blogs, text messaging, cell phones and more - are
forms of electronic violence and harassment that can be harder to stop and
are now commonplace.
Researchers understand the deep
and long-lasting wounds that bullying can inflict. The stakes are high.
Previous research has shown that without intervention, a child who is a
bully in kindergarten is often a bully in elementary school, high school and
beyond. If young bullies aren’t stopped, they often grow up to be adult
bullies. They are more likely than their peers to serve prison time as
adults, they also tend to suffer from depression.
Kids who are routinely victimized:
è
Have higher rates of
depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorders, substance abuse and
suicide
è
Are more likely
to carry weapons to school for self-defense
è
Miss school more
often because they feel unsafe
è
Have trouble
focusing on schoolwork and lessons because they're consumed by anxiety and
fear
è
Have lower
self-esteem as adults, along with higher rates of depression and other
mental disorders in adulthood
è
May develop
problems with anger management or self-destructive behavior
è
Have unexplained physical ailments, such as headaches and stomachaches
è
Show higher levels of depression, anxiety and suicidal
thoughts than do non-victims.
Parents, caregivers, and teachers all can help.
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What is Bullying?
To help distinguish bullying from routine conflicts, look for
these identifiers:
It is intentional.
The target does
not knowingly provoke the bully and may have made it clear that the behavior
is unwelcome.
It is often repetitive. Bullying generally is carried out
repeatedly over time. It can sometimes be a single incident.
It involves hurtful acts, words, or other behavior.
Bullying is an oppressive or negative act intended to hurt someone else.
It may be committed by one or more people against another.
Bullying can be done by a single person or by a group.
It involves a real or perceived imbalance of power. A child
without power cannot bully. Power can be defined as either physical
strength, social status, or intimidating behavior.
Specific types of bullying include:
è
Hitting, punching and kicking
è
Destruction of
the victim’s property
è
Teasing
è
Name-calling
è
Taunting
è
Racial slurs
è
Spreading
malicious rumors
è
Exclusion from
groups or activities
è
E-mail threats
è
Harassing phone
calls
è
Intimidating or
threatening Web sites or blogs
Sexual and
homophobic bullying also is common now, and may include:
è
Unwanted sexual jokes or
comments
è
Sexual
name-calling
è
Spreading sexual rumors
è
Grabbing or
touching students in a sexual manner
è
Pulling clothing down or off
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Cyberbullying
Bullying has gone high-tech in cyberspace. Cyberbullying can happen during
IM (Instant Messaging) conversations, on social networking websites or
through text messaging. Bullies may use the digital cameras in their cell
phones to snap unflattering or upsetting photos of their targets – even in
school locker rooms. And it’s hard for young people to escape cyberbullies
who can torment their victims 24/7 through all the new communication
technologies.
Is Your Child a
Target of Cyberbullies?
Some signs to watch for:
Anger or
sadness during or after using the Internet
Withdrawal from friends, activities
Avoiding school
Declining grades
Being bullied at school (these are the students that are most often targeted
by cyberbullies.)
Parent
Tips to Help
Your Child Avoid Becoming a Cyberbully’s Target
Discuss the concerns of
revealing intimate personal information – online or in person.
Visit and discuss the values demonstrated by others in your child’s favorite
online communities. Insist that the school intervene effectively to address
any in-school bullying.
Who Gets Bullied?
Any child can be bullied.
Boys and girls are equally likely to face bullying. Any age group can
foster bullying behavior, although it seems to peak in middle school and
decline in high school Researchers
have identified certain traits that may put some children at higher risk of
bullying. Bullies commonly look for easy targets, especially children who
seem to be passive.
These passive targets may include children who:
þ
Have a noticeable disability
þ
Are socially
isolated or lonely
þ
Are insecure or
unassertive among their peers
þ
Aren't athletic
þ
Appear physically
weaker than peers
þ
Cry easily or get
upset easily
þ
Relate better to adults than to peers
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Prevention Strategies
Don't
wait until your child is bullied to talk about it or take action. Especially
as students grow older, they may be embarrassed or ashamed of being the
bully’s victim, or believe they need to handle it on their own.
Spend
time with each of your children every
day. Show affection and make them feel special and important. Encourage
your children to share information about school and school-related
activities.
Ask direct questions about
teasing at school.
Teach
kids about confidence and resilience and how to develop social skills - all
of which help reduce the chances of being a bully’s target.
Teach
your children to be assertive rather than aggressive or violent.
Involve
your child in activities that can raise self-esteem, such as sports or
music.
Talk about your child’s friends and what they do.
Talk
with your children about the difference between flirting and sexual
harassment and give examples of each. Make sure your children understand
that sexual harassment is a form of violence and that it is illegal.
Encourage your children to tell you about any incidents that make
them feel bad, embarrassed, scared, or uncomfortable.
Respond to your children's concerns with patience, love, and support.
Eventually, nearly every student will come across a bully. Teach your child
how to handle and cope with these situations, with your help. Some skills
that will come in handy:
v
Don't react to the bullying. Bullies may give up if they don't get
attention.
v
Don't fight back, and NEVER resort to using a weapon.
v
Try role-playing or practice what you'll say to a bully, such as, "I want
you to stop now."
v
Show confidence with your head held high.
v
Stick with a friend while on the bus, in the cafeteria, between classes, or
while walking to and from school.
v
Talk to an adult. Parents, teachers, principals and guidance counselors can
help you stop the bullying.
v
Try to meet classmates who are friendly and supportive and who will include
you in their activities.
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